- Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
- Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I’m pregnant and he hasn’t asked me how I’m feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.
- Monica: I can’t believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn’t make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees.
- [Monica and Chandler are having sex in the other room]
Joey: You can’t have s-e-x in front of a b-a-b-i-e
- Phoebe: Today is Mike and my one year anniversary.
Rachel: Oh! What’s it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?
- Phoebe: Are you in there little fetus? In nine months will you greet us? I will… buy you some Adidas…
- Ross: If you’re going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It’s just cooler.
- Rachel: I don’t want my baby’s first words to be “How You Doing”
- [Ross is trying to cheer Chandler up who won’t get out of his sweatpants]
Ross: C’mon man, just take ’em off, just take ’em off and we’ll have some fun.
- [When asked if he knows anything about chicks]
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women?… No.
- Ross: First divorce: wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn’t let you get married when you’re that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada’s fault.
- Janice: Goodnight my Bing-a-ling.
- Phoebe: We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys.
Chandler: You don’t want to be guys, you’d be all hairy and you wouldn’t live as long.
- Ross: We were on a break!
Chandler: Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I’m going to break up with you!
- Joey: I hate Pottery barn too! They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed.
Chandler: You took off your pants and cimbed under the sheets!
- Ross: You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that’s half human, half *pure evil*!